Comical Interlude
Tell Me Once Again, Baby, I’m Your Favourite Girl

Tell Me Once Again, Baby, I’m Your Favourite Girl

I have a feeling I am going to end up specializing in comics where the punchline is just “this is the thing that has annoyed me today”.

Anyway, here is a protip for any aspiring dictators looking to mold the world in their own image: first, you create an environment that subtly yet consistently reminds people that they are worthless and inferior, especially when compared with your own glorious visage (or that of your concubine harem, perhaps). This will remove any pesky self-esteem that could potentially prevent people from bending to your will. Next, offer them what appears to be a way out, yet is actually an unattainable goal: like, oh, I dont know – the pursuit of wildly implausible beauty standards, for example. This will trap your hapless populace in an unending behavioural loop, distracting them from more meaningful pursuits and leaving you free to enact the rest of your nefarious plot for world domination.

If this actually was a conspiracy, then it would be a sublime act of deft psychological manipulation, free from any overt and clumsy brainwashing methods. But then, I think that is the mistake conspiracy theorists often make: they assume that a group of people would actually go to the extraordinary trouble of manipulating events simply so that… they would turn out exactly as they would have anyway. If you have a choice between a sinister cabal or natural processes, the natural processes will almost always be the correct option. I mean, why go to the trouble of training people to obsess over their appearance when sexual selection will do the job for you? Why (and, much more interestingly, HOW) would scientists all around the world work to create a flawlessly-doctored climate record, when the effects of even a negligable increase in atmospheric CO2 are plainly and clearly demonstrable? Why should the CIA plot to assassinate a president when you already have a country full of people who love guns and hate politicians? And for that matter, why would the lizardmen go to all the trouble of replacing the world’s leaders with evil robot clones, just so they’ll behave the way they have always behaved?

Why would dolphins, as an entire species*, conspire to… oh, shit.

*yeah, I know